am i really that fat????

ok...so...i was sitting at work a couple of fridays ago...friday is jeans day. i looked down and realized there were two big holes in my jeans...one on each side....where yep you gueesed it....my fat thighs had been rubbing together!!!!!!!! what the hell???? am i really so big now that i have to worry about rubbing holes in my pants when i walk?!?!?!? i could have died from embarressment...i quickly went out to my truck and got my bigass long coat and had to wear it the rest of the day!!! you know how these days everyone is about their aha moment as oprah would say.....well surely that has to be mine.

so, i went to walgreens and got some Full Bars...supposedly they were developed by a bariatric surgeon. you eat one 30 minutes before your meal with a glass of water and they are suppose to fill you up so you wont eat as much. here's the thing...they are like 160 calories...so you better be eating at least that many calories less or you are gonna gain weight. but, so far they do seem to help me eat less....we will see....too soon to really tell if they are gonna work...but i have my fingers crossed!!!!

blah....

today is blah.....just sitting here on a leopard print couch with jewelry and knockoff purses all around me....with nothing to do......now that is my kind of job!!!!

i got to see the tail end of the biggest loser last night. while i was watching them weigh in i was like ...wow!!!! those are some big folks!!! then i looked in the mirror and realized i am one of them!!! what the hell?!?!?!??!?!?! i need to get a grip on reality!!!!!

i got the power 90 workouts but havent started them...kind of scared because they are gonna be hard core for me....but i guess that is the point?!?! i made a rocking tomato based soup the other day in my Healthmaster....which i love!!!! all it had in it was 4 tomatoes, half a green squash, half an onion, about 10 baby carrots, about half of a green bell pepper and some spices.....it was delish...i ate it with a couple of corn tortillas. i finally finished it yesterday....now i need to try something else....hmmmm....what to do what to do???

i watched twilight last night for the gazillionth time...but it never gets old....i love edward and bella...they are my friends...i think about them often and wonder how they are doing....i wonder if they ever think of me....yes i have lost touch with reality!!!

i wish someone would come in the store and buy something...the more that sells the more i make....why isnt anyone here?????? maybe it is too soon after christmas for people to be spending their money....damn economy!!!!!

well, since i am just rambling i will sign off now....peace in the middle east!!!!!!

It's my birthday.....

And I'll cry if I want to!!!!! SO, I turned 34 today....wow!!!! I cant believe I am 6 years away from 40. The thing is, although mentally I only feel about 19 physically I feel about 60. That is not good!!!! I have got to get a grip, put down the fork and put on some running shoes. I mean really!?!?!?!??! 60?!?!?!??! Have you ever seen how on the Dr Oz show they do the chronilogical age versus the real age??? I think my real age has to be way older than I really am.

I should be at my best right now...I am happier with my life than I have ever been...except for my weight, the size clothes I wear, how I look....and the list goes on. When does it ever stop? Everyday I say tomorrow is the day....and then tomorrow comes and I say...tomorrow is the day....what the hell????

OK.....right now I am saying MONDAY IS THE DAY!!!! I have a goal next week to go for a walk at least 4 of the 7 days. I know it should be more but I have to start somewhere. Ok guys!!!! Wish me luck!!!! Sunday night Monday will be my last tomorrow!!!!

the fat girl that ate me.....

the fatty that ate me is sitting on the couch eating m&m's and hershey kisses. she hasnt done a damn thing today!!!! so lazy!!!! she needs to go for a walk or at the very least stand up for a little while...i mean come on!!!! do something!!!

so yeah, as you can see my motivation is lagging today. there is so much that needs to be done but i dont seem to want to do it. today is my yesterday's tomorrow....and i am not doing anything with it.

i think i need a fatass intervention!!!!

Shawn wins the bestest husband award!!!!

be jealous ladies, because shawn is the best husband in the whole world...AND HE IS ALL MINE!!!!!! not only is he hot to trot...he is sooooo sweet and thoughtful. he is always buying me little treats here and there....usually something i mentioned I wanted in casual conversation (yes he listens and makes mental notes). wherever we go he always tells me i am the prettiest girl in the room and he actually means it. you know what else is so cute????? he tucks me into bed everynight.....makes my heart go pitter patter. plus, he is freakin hilarial (to steal a word from rita). seriously he is probably the funniest person i know...he could probly even give rockstar chris d. a run for his money. he makes me laugh all the time. oh, also, i mentioned to him one time that i liked to fly kites but hadnt done so in years. so, he also got me two kites. one time i told him how i use to love seventeen magazine and i might even still read it if i wasnt so embaressed to buy it. the next week he came home with the new issue for me, he said he was getting weird looks from the cashier and people behind him, but he didnt care because he thought i would like it. anyway, i love love love him and he loves him some momma

Food for thought

1. Tiger Woods, no matter how rich or famous, is a dog. A dog who I am sick of hearing about....the media needs to move on.

2. The Office is way better than Seinfeld.

3. The Twilight Series is the best ever!!! Hands down...best...ever!!!!!

4. As I get older and fatter I have aches and pains I never thought would exist.

5. Sorry all you Obama lovers....I should be president...the country would be a much better place....and we would still have access to ammo!!!!

6. I used to think I would die either by plane crash, serial killer or tornado....now I am thinking it will be by El Diablo.

7. My sisters make the prettiest babies!!!

8. My family rocks....they are solid and always there.

9. Tis the season...to be fat and jolly!!! But come December 26th...no more!!!

10. My husband rocks the hizzie fo shizzie.....the hizzle fo shizzle!!!!

11. I wish I could go back to high school knowing what I know now....I would do it way better!!!!

12. I love my church.....Mormons rule....all others drool!!! just kidding

Where the hell did the Real me go????

So it has been about 10 years since the real me went away...in her place the body of a fat girl. Will I ever get her back? I sure as hell hope so...but how???? It is all so confusing...different diets around every corner. Where do I start?

Today is December 8, 2009.....I want to be 30 pounds down by March 1, 2010. Is it possible??? I dont know but I sure as hell am gonna find out!!!! So, I will post a before pic and then on March 1 I will post another one.

Wish me luck!!!!